Psalms: Our (Re)New Workout


Some books fill my mind. Others fill my heart.

This week, an excerpt from a MUST-READ for all believers.  N.T. Wright’s The Case for Psalms is eye-opening to the point of introducing the “more mature” Christ-follower, who thinks she’s tasted-and-seen-it-all, to the world of gourmet.

Psalms, dusted off, reinstated, is our renewed workout for transforming the mind, heart and body.  Wonder-full. psalms

For those who wonder if worship is happy-clappy praise all the time, this offers a broader picture. For those of us with concerns over worship devolving into self-focus, Wright explains clearly how this easily & quickly took root in Western culture.

The Psalms are the hymnbook collection of both Judaism and the early Church in private and corporate worship.  Our opportunity to be real and genuine before a loving, involved Creator.

Part of the strange work of the Psalms is to draw the terror and shame of all the ages together to a point where it becomes intense and unbearable, turning itself into a great scream of pain, the pain of Israel, the pain of Adam and Eve, the pain that shouts out, in the most paradoxical act of worship, to ask why God has abandoned it. And then of course the Psalms tell the story of strange vindication, of dramatic reversal, of wondrous rescue, comfort, and restoration.

Click HERE to find it on Amazon.

Resisting Consumer Worship


consumer_churchIn biblical worship, the Church offers an alternative to a me-centered culture.  It is accepting God’s invitation to encounter Him on His terms, to be reoriented to life in His Kingdom and to taste glimpses of heaven.   Yet in an effort to appear “relevant,” it is easy to turn Christ-centered community into entertainment that attracts consumers who hopefully will sign on to the organization.  Some of my thoughts, and best bits from research this past week…

On Victoria Osteen

“Out of the heart, the mouth speaks.” The Osteen gospel fits hand-in-glove with me-centered American philosophy. But it is worse than heresy; it is trivialization of the One in whom we live and move and have our being. Encased in a facade of spirituality, it is gobbled up like a delicious appetizer by tens of thousands in our culture who do not realize their dish was basted in poison.

From Marva Dawn’s Reaching Out without Dumbing Down

“It is urgent that the Church recognize how easily we assume the self-centered mind-set of the culture that surrounds us and work more deliberately to reject it…This focus on the self is a curious inversion, for in losing God as subject we lost exactly what we need to find genuine self-identity.”

We exist encased in a giant cultural condom.

From Joey Earl Horsman’s article “Channel Too: The Postmodern Yawn,” The Other Side 29

“Modern technology and media have proved to be Valium for our leisure time. They have turned the U.S. into a nation of spectators, more eager to watch life that to participate in it.  We want our art, for instance, to provide distraction rather than require concentration, asking it for either escape of knee-jerk political messages.  We want shock or sleep. Period.  We live in the age of simulation.  For just as shopping malls simulate the great outdoors, replacing sun and trees with fluorescent lights and green plastic “plants,” we simulate danger with amusement park rides, friends or enemies with talk-radio hosts, rebellion with torn jeans and black boots, sex with lewd phone conversations, revolution with improved fabric softeners, and freedom with the newest panty liner. We simulate real life by eliminating risk and commitment, and end up mistaking what is real for what is only artificial. We exist, that is, encased in a giant cultural condom.”

From  C. Welton Gaddy’s The Gift of Worship

“Worship is a gift between lovers who keep on giving to each other.”

A Pastor’s/Worship Leader’s Essential Checklist before Sunday:

  • Center on God
  • Glorify Christ
  • Involve the people
  • Express praise
  • Communicate the truth of the Bible
  • Encourage faith
  • Promise redemption
  • Reflect the Incarnation
  • Build up the Church
  • Instill vision
  • Make an offering
  • Nurture communion
  • Evoke an “Amen”

From John Piper’s, Brothers, We are Not Professionals

“It boils down to this: we either make much of Him, or much of us.”

Superstition, the Liturgy of Social Media, Chicken Sexers & Judaism


The best bits from this week: impacting excerpts that influence our worship and discipleship…

rabbits foot“If we participate in worship and simply hope that our being there will cause God to bless us, what we are doing in church really amounts to practicing something other than Christianity. We are practicing superstition, or hypocrisy— in which we sometimes even intentionally learn to say things to God that we do not mean. Spiritually speaking, the sin of hypocrisy is one of the most vexing antidotes to formation. In hypocrisy, our external actions are cut off from internal attitudes. We may even become well practiced at not meaning what we say or do.” (from James K. A. Smith, Imagining the Kingdom (Cultural Liturgies): How Worship Works)

Do I shape my image to appear like God, or allow God to shape me into His image? 

fb“Users [of social media] can severely underestimate the (de) formative power of cultural artifacts, approaching them with just a little bit too much confidence, assured that they are masters of the technology when it might be the technology that is slowly mastering them. Social media— despite the good uses to which it can be put— might be just this sort of disordering liturgy. Signing up for Twitter or Facebook is not a neutral decision to simply employ a “medium”: it is to insert oneself in an environment of practice that inculcates in us certain habits that then shape our orientation to the world— indeed, they make our worlds.” (from James K. A. Smith, Imagining the Kingdom (Cultural Liturgies): How Worship Works, 2013)

In speaking of ways the Church and Christian University should work hand-in-hand to nurture and disciple the next generation of believers to experience and act out the way of Christ as second nature…

chick“These perceptual skills can be astonishingly subtle. Many chicken farms employ professional chicken sexers. They look at newly hatched chicks and tell whether the chicks are male or female even though, to the untrained eye, the chicks all look the same. Experienced sexers can look at eight hundred to one thousand chicks an hour and determine their gender with 99 percent accuracy. How do they figure it out? They couldn’t tell you. There is just something different about the males and females, and they know it when they see it.” ( David Brooks, The Social Animal: The Hidden Sources of Love, Character, and Achievement, 2011)

Consistent, disciplined practice will help the heart catch up…

jew“Judaism stresses that if you begin with the right actions, you’ll come upon the right beliefs; Christianity works the other way around. In the Talmud, there is a passage that’s considered fundamental in Jewish education, ‘Let a man busy himself with observing the commandments and customs even if his heart is not in them, for eventually the hand will teach the heart’.” (Scott-Martin Kosofsky, The Book of Customs: A Complete Handbook for the Jewish Year, 2004)

Everyone Worships Something


So…lots of reading these days on the topic of Worship. Which is probably a good thing, since that’s the area in which I’m called to lead and disciple others. As this unfolds, I’ll periodically post some the best bits. This one left me both convicted and breathless:

David Foster Wallace had this to say to a graduating class at Kenyon College in 2005:

In the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And an outstanding reason for choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to worship— be it JC or Allah, be it Yahweh or the Wiccan mother-goddess or the Four Noble Truths or some infrangible set of ethical principles— is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive.

If you worship money and things— if they are where you tap real meaning in life— then you will never have enough. Never feel you have enough. It’s the truth.

Worship your own body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly, and when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally plant you. On one level, we all know this stuff already— it’s been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, bromides, epigrams, parables: the skeleton of every great story. The trick is keeping the truth up front in daily consciousness.

Worship power— you will feel weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to keep the fear at bay.

Worship your intellect, being seen as smart— you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. The insidious thing about these forms of worship is not that they’re evil or sinful; it is that they are unconscious. They are default settings. They’re the kind of worship you just gradually slip into, day after day, getting more and more selective about what you see and how you measure value without ever being fully aware that that’s what you’re doing.

Quoted in…Smith, James K. A. (2013-02-15). Imagining the Kingdom (Cultural Liturgies): How Worship Works (Kindle Locations 4764-4766). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Life Between the Legos


21 years ago, I met the woman who would become my wife.  Neither of us realized that the mutual respect and friendship we shared would cause us to “notice” one another 5 years later.  This wonderful friendship with Emily Cartwright allowed us to skip some awkwardness only because our history had already revealed some of the good, the bad and the ugly WAY before we tried to impress each other.  Saying “yes” to a covenant together was an embrace of acceptance, whatever already is and whatever may come.

We made that promise 15 years ago today. Best earthly decision of my life! But wow…it is God’s Providence and grace that He does not reveal everything coming.

Earlier this week, Emily posted a picture of me in her grandmother’s old recliner, reading, in the midst of a DELUGE of legos our childlegosren had dumped out in the floor.  That picture received more hits and comments than anything we’ve ever posted in our Facebook history! Funny as it was, it made me wonder exactly why?

Maybe I’m totally off-base, but my hope is that a snapshot of focused-study-amidst-disaster gave people hope. Here’s the deal…that picture really is a metaphor of our life, our marriage, our family.  Throughout our journey, oceans of joy and chaos have always pressed in: insane schedules and quiet evenings, picnics at the lake and temper tantrums, honest hugs and slow forgiveness, broken washing machines and new cars, intimate moments and major disagreements, vomit on the carpet and a sparking clean house, too much debt and a-little-extra this month, words spoken that brought life and words that did major damage. And with each passing year, more situations we could never have imagined emerge.


I worry sometimes in ministry, by being on stage, that a subtle message is being communicated to the congregation:  These are the people who’ve got it all together!  Imitate them!  Perhaps this is magnified by the power of image management via social media. The truth is, we do not have it all together!  Although, I’d say she is more together than I am. (Good thing I married a Clinical Counselor! For a shameless plug on what Emily is doing, click HERE or on the Restore logo.) But what we DO have is a covenant with The LORD not only to follow Him but to make that journey of discipleship publicly and in community. Please forgive me for the times I have let any of you see only the successes. We are very blessed in our marriage and family, but we share those joys in a sea of things we are still striving to figure out.

Our journey with Christ reveals this: frequently when God creates beauty from ashes, the mess isn’t completely erased. Rather, He forms something so beautiful and redeemed that our focal point shifts towards a glorious miracle against a background of debris.

Every kingdom person is moving toward a future reality when all is restored, every lego will be in place, and all will be as it was intended. In the meantime, celebrate every victory right in the middle of the mess.  That single discipline will build unimaginable strength.

Your family is your small group. So is your marriage.


Family Investment Strategies


Intended for Father’s Day weekend, these thoughts are a bit behind schedule!

This past Spring, Emily & I co-led and participated in our first ever Financial Peace University…which was CRAZY helpful in getting our minds wrapped around goals for our marriage and family.  The line we heard repeated more than anything else was this:

Live like no one else now so that you can live like no one else later!

Translation:  be willing to make sacrifices early on for a later pay off.  Choose homemade cards, board games and Family Dollar instead of bling, cruises and Neiman Mark-up. The savings and investments made early move a person into the realm of enjoying things without debt later.  And for the believer, moves him/her into the reality of eventually being able to bless specific ministries in extraordinary ways.

A fun way to teach this to our kids is sharing FPU’s investment calculator.  (Click HERE to preview and play around with it). I wish I had a picture of my oldest child’s face with this scenario:  $2000 invested at age 18, with NO more money paid in, at a 10% average rate of return by age 68 = $243,781!  But take the exact same scenario and have $100 per month drafted from your checking account.  In the same time span, the yield is $1.7 million!

It goes to show that a little, invested early, and continued over time reaps a great harvest.  This is a great principle for parents!  And I hope, an encouragement as well.  Many parents I know are working very long hours to provide for their families in this difficult economy. Many more are trying the accomplish the task which ought to be shared by a spouse all by herself.  As discouragement takes hold, it is easy to feel like one has skipped  today’s or this month’s payment, or maybe even has made some big withdrawals.


Houston…we may have a problem!

But be encouraged, and know that every small kindness with the intent to nurture and reflect the Father’s love adds value that is compounding. Even if gone unappreciated in the moment, every

  • note in a lunch box
  • book read at bedtime
  • backyard ball game played
  • recital attended
  • music lesson, practice, rehearsal driven to (in your minivan with 248,000 miles)
  • prayer prayed over him, his folded clothes, made up bed
  • homework sheet assisted
  • “funeral” for yet another pet that kicked it
  • hug
  • wrestling match in the floor when you “let” him win
  • surprise “just because” little gift
  • lovingly confrontive conversation rather than letting it go unspoken
  • time spent doing something she loves (but you might hate)
  • “I love you” spoken
  • time you spent answering the questions you never saw coming, but by the grace of God were able to answer truthfully and without freaking out…

all these things compound the interest. These and more add to the vocation of biblical parenting:  to nurture our children towards being a gift for God’s world.  It’s biblical because it images the Heavenly Father upon them.  It’s obedience because you recognize your child as a divinely entrusted gift. It’s spiritual formation for the parent because as a father or mother, you make the investment not only for your joy but especially for others to savor.

This becomes the heart-cry of the believing parent: that the LORD may shape my son/daughter and use this life so that others may know and be in eternity with Him.

Hang in there moms and dads.  Even if today’s deposit is only a dime, it may be greater progress than you realize.  In God’s hands, He can turn the investment made in your child into an endowment instead of a Social Security check.

And for the record, this is why I’m late this week:


 Your family is your small group.


Legos, Missions & Finding Joy

It’s been a week of reentry.
You know, that week after vacation when you catch yourself staring at the wall while responding to the 487 emails that accumulated while gone and re-living the sun on your face in the lazy river at the resort, and…Oh sorry.  I did it again.  I’m back.  I love being home, but it’s great to savor great memories made with family.  On more than one occasion, Emily & I have fondly reminisced “what we were doing this time last week.”
But if you read my previous blog, you already know there are some memories better left in Florida!  There is one scene, however, that I keep replaying in my mind.  I’m not quite sure what adjective should be assigned to it.  Astounding? Incredulous? Dangerous? Disturbing? “What could it be!?” you might ask.  THE LEGO STORE.
In case you weren’t aware, the Plank’s are serious Lego people.  I’m not talking about the 10 minute Duplo sets, I mean put-on-your-seatbelt-we’ll-be-here-for-8-hours-with-a-manual-putting-this-together people.  We went to Legoland. And thanks to 3 young boys, I can quote vast parts of the movie.  I love it that their little minds are attracted to this genre of imagination.  We have fun completing these sets together; and we’ve found that some great conversations can take place in the midst of all that construction.
But the store…wow!  We visited 3 times, and each time people were snatching and grabbing products as if there would NEVER be another Lego made.  It was like Black Friday, except EVERY day!  This is the scene that continues mentally replaying.  It disturbs me on a couple of levels.  First, that we can place so much importance and faith in a product to bring us joy and secondly, recognizing how easily we can be sucked into the hysteria.
There is an important lesson we are trying to teach our kids:  “stuff” is not ultimately going to make them happy. How crazy is it that we are still learning that one…even as adults?  I’ll be happy if I get everything I want is not true.  A growing disciple must constantly wrestle with the fact that our soul’s default is utterly selfish.  I will continually be tempted to snatch and grab products and experiences that fill me in a desperate attempt to experience joy.  And if you’ve been a believer for a long time, be forewarned:  the Enemy’s strategy gets more diabolical…
I just didn’t get what I was looking for from that message today.
This church really needs to provide more services and activities for me.
I only go to Bible studies where there are really mature believers.
I’m going to let someone else volunteer this year…I’ve done my time.
The music chosen for worship isn’t my taste, so I’ll stand in the foyer until it’s over.
These thoughts, and others like them, will streak across your mind at some point.  And when they do, there is a spiritual antibiotic ready to remove them: service.  And when the fever hits, ingest it or else the dis-ease will spread.  You can’t serve without humility, and humility always involves an emptying of the heart.  I love this quote from Andy Stanley:
“As leaders, we are never responsible for filling anyone else’s cup. Our responsibility is to empty ours.”
― Andy StanleyDeep & Wide: Creating Churches Unchurched People Love to Attend
This week, several from our church, along with one of my little Lego-Builders (Jordan) had the privilege of “emptying their cups” alongside the Chattahoochee Fuller Center in their first-ever Block of Blessings.  A large part of our community is in legosdesperate need of restoration.  This great organization took one week to do home repairs, paint, mow, plant, pressure wash and restore beauty to a single street.  One block of South 2nd Ave. in Lanett, AL is now a sparkling, inspiring example of what I hope will continue happening in our community. Alongside a lot of hard work, it brought me so much joy to see my child developing friendships with folks of multiple races and with believers from other parts of the country. And also with the sweetest Ms. Newby, whose face was filled with smiles and tears as she daily invited us to her front porch swing during construction on her house, and continually reminded us that we would never know how much this meant to her.
At the dedication & prayer of blessing at each home on South 2nd this afternoon, the President of Fuller Center said these words:  “it’s important what you say, but it’s what you do that defines you.”  Sounds a bit like James 2:26 to me.
Maybe one of the best ways we can disciple our families this summer is to not focus only on all the fun experiences that we think will fulfill us, but upon constructing opportunities where we empty ourselves.  Who knows, your next mission trip might be one street over.  And it just might be even more amazing than Legos.
Your family is your small group.


Vacations, Breakdowns, Willie Nelson & Angels


pastordad1So summer vacation didn’t appear to get off to our expected spectacular start.  For those who enjoyed my recent Facebook post entitled Recap of yesterday’s 14 hour trip to Orlando, (who I know were laughing WITH us and AT us), I really should take a moment to let you share in the ways in which it was redeemed.

Memorable moments amidst the chaos… 2 minutes before all the drama began, a sweet, older, Asian lady checked us out at the CVS counter.  “Oh 3 boys!” she exclaimed.  “I just love the boys!”  It was a remark made with a tone of nostalgia, and a genuine warmth that let me know there was a beloved history behind her words…as well as a longing of days gone by.  I walked away with a polite smile, my cellophane bag and a mysterious internal reprimand to slow-the-heck-down.

We looked forward to the ice-cream at the next stop; but as I placed the key in the ignition, it was apparent that our old friend–who had transported us 350 miles so far–was suffering. I’m not exactly sure how to describe the will-almost-start shuddering that we all heard and felt.  Please understand that my brain has no section for perceiving this kind of incident.  I can play Rachmaninoff, sing the latest Chris Tomlin song, and translate from Koine Greek or Ancient Hebrew into modern English, but it’s a good day if I remember which side the gas tank is on when it comes to cars.  “Dear God, please show me what to do.” I just kept turning the key hoping our fate would change. van

And it did…when “Willie Nelson” showed up at the window.  “It ain’t yer battery.  I been listenin’ to it.”  Stringy, greasy hair, toothy grin and diamond earrings, “Willie” was very kind in his counsel.  He even pulled out the jumper cables just to prove it. And he gave me the name & number of a local tow and repair company.  I thanked him and accepted his information.

It was tense in the car.  We could taste the pool water that awaited 90 miles south.  And it got a little snappy.  I may or may not have barked that this would be a good time for people to pray while I ran across the street to the auto business I had spotted.

If you find yourself working hard to convince others of your great spirituality, it’s evidence that you are likely mistaken.


It amazes me how, at middle-age, a temper-tantrum-throwing inner child still exists, screaming “it’s not fair” from within. I confess this freely because vulnerability is an essential for our spiritual formation.  If you find yourself working hard to convince others of your great spirituality, it’s evidence that you are likely mistaken.  And if you are trying hard to look spiritual because you think people expect it, and you are fearful of being found out that you don’t completely have your act together then allow me to let you in on a little secret…no one does.  We’re all a hot mess. Every growing believer is on a journey of being refined by the Spirit. No one has arrived.  Even your pastor.

Bolting across 6 lanes of traffic and entering said place, the heavens opened and a beam of light shone on the back of a young man’s T-Shirt…advertising the EXACT name and number of the repair place “Willie” had just given me.  His tow truck was there; and because we were so close, he towed us over for nearly nothing.

While the van was being towed, my wife took our sick child into the CVS Minute Clinic to have him examined.  Because they determined we needed to go on to Urgent Care, they didn’t charge us.

The van was diagnosed and was going to be a large expense we had not counted on. But we just went through Financial Peace University at our church and were prepared for an emergency.

We decided to eat dinner while the van was being repaired.  As the menus were passed out, I was proud to overhear the boys agree amongst themselves to not order something that cost too much because of the van :).

Then the garage called before our food even arrived…they completed the repair in record time. And we were on our way. But in the malay of everything that happened, we left a bag (which contained about $50 of products) on the floor under our table at the restaurant.  Returning to the restaurant, we located our waitress, Alex, who talked to the bus boy, who remembered throwing it away.  The next thing we knew, the boy AND the manager were digging through the trash and FOUND IT!

Then out of the blue my oldest son asked, “dad, do you think maybe that old guy with the weird hair and the earrings might have been an angel?” Now I don’t know what mental image you have when you read about angels in the Bible.  Mine include less jewelry, shorter hair, correct grammar, and more teeth. But I may be completely incorrect. It was a great opportunity to share Hebrews 13:2 with my son:  “Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing many have shown hospitality to strangers without knowing it.” It was a wonderful moment to affirm our faith. “You know, kid…it just may have been an angel. But angel or not,  based upon what we’ve seen, we can be sure God’s got our backs today.”

Yes, it was an expensive 5 hours in Gainesville, FL.  But we were surprised by the kindness of multiple strangers:  a cashier, a tow-truck driver, a waitress, a doctor, a mechanic, a bus boy, a restaurant manger, and “Willie Nelson.” Or were they all strangers?  WE were the strangers.  Which is the greater miracle…an angelic intervention or a person’s willingness to consider my needs greater than theirs?

From where I stand, the latter wins hands down.  And for the fact that our children got to witness and experience that, it was worth the price of admission. Maybe it wasn’t the happiest place on earth, but we were all reminded of a greater truth than we would have found in an amusement park. Take THAT Disney.

Your family is your small group.

What’s Right with the Church


There’s a lot wrong in the Church.

What a minute!  That’s not what the title said!

I know.  But let’s just get that part out of the way for now.  We live in a very consumer minded culture…one where the customer demands to be heard and has a right to voice an opinion.  The atmosphere of consumerism has bled over into multiple areas of the Church.  It hurts me that the opportunity to be so publicly critical seems to have become an inalienable right.  It’s even more painful when those voicing discontent slip around in the shadows whispering critiques to others with no intention of being part of a solution.

This is not finger pointing.  It’s just a fact.  And I would be dishonest to not admit that I have at times been a great offender.

In Good to Great by Jim Collins, we are taught a principle called the Stockdale Paradox.  This is the ability to hear and accept the brutal facts of the situation while, at the same time, remaining unwaveringly committed and faithful that it will turn out well in the end.  In ministry, it’s part of my job to hear the criticism–directly or indirectly–and to pray over and to discern a Christ-leading way to respond.

But a big part of the brutal truth is what’s going RIGHT in the Church.  Every day, multiple individuals and families are directly touched by the healing power of the Holy Spirit and the great power of God.  It is very easy to get sucked into the vortex of negativity of those who have decided their spiritual gift is complaint, and to completely miss Yahweh-on-the-Move all around us.

To that end, I want to engage in the development of JOY throughout the month of November.  Joy is largely nurtured through gratitude.  So Church, I’ll be sharing what I see and experience in you!

Fresh Fruit (Week 9)


I regret that we don’t utilize confessional booths.  Maybe you can be mine today?  To my Catholic friends, we obviously have some differences; but on this point you are dead right.  And if you have one in your Parish, you should go.  The evangelical church has missed this as an opportunity for spiritual formation, and specifically for the development of self-control.  Yet it can be reclaimed if we can learn to worship like King David did.  sc

You may be wondering…where is he going with this!?  Where are the funny stories about the kids!?  Hang on, you won’t be disappointed.

During these 2 weeks focusing on self-control as a family, my wife & I keep coming back to a core truth:  people are powerful.  All people have power given to them at birth.  Even a baby has power.  He or she screams until it gets what it wants.  You’ve been played.  Our children figure this out quickly.  The great task of parenting is teaching these little people to use their power wisely.  If they don’t learn to control their power wisely, then it will be controlled for them when they are adults.  And nothing is scarier for a kid than an adult that is out of control.

The default for most of us parents is not self-control but me-control-you.  “You’re on restriction because you didn’t do what I asked.”  “You’re disrespectful so I’ll spank your bottom.”  Not that this is never called for, but this doesn’t teach self-control.   It is a hard lesson for me, but I can’t be afraid of my kid’s deliberate sin or his accidental mistake.  God will use those things to teach him how to control himself, and God uses me as the coach to reveal those truths to him through speaking truth & giving grace in those moments.  So as much as is possible, we try to give them an option.  Here’s an example:

Last week the eldest son broke the get-ready-for-school-rule:  No media until you have eaten breakfast, gotten dressed, brushed your teeth & have gotten all your stuff together.  Then you have to be in the car at 7:45.  At 7:44, he was still on his phone with no things together.   Calling him on this caused a tirade on his part on how the late-ness was not his fault, and many verbal justifications proceeded of why he needed to be on his phone.   The rest of us calmly walked to our cars and began backing out of the driveway with the other 2 responsible children.  He bolted for the car, threw his things in and continued his defense all the way to school.  Within 15 minutes, the following text conversation began:

Mom, I forgot my trombone.

I’m so sorry bud.

Can u bring it?

Sorry…I wasn’t planning to come back to school today.

What am I gonna do?

You could make due without it or hire dad as a taxi for $2 to drop it off.


I’ll hire the taxi.

So, I wrote out an invoice–seriously, I did–stuck the invoice in the trombone case and delivered it to the band room.  Viola!  He just developed some self-control!  How do I know?  Because that scene has not repeated itself for days. (And yes, he did pay the $2 when he got home.)

When people get out of control, it affects everyone around them.  All of our actions have consequences.   I want my actions to be good consequences.  (For a great laugh, view the attached picture on our refrigerator. This is the “I Forgot” list.  In other words, things our boys have gotten in trouble for during self-control week. Their initial response is frequently “I forgot;” so we just started making a list posted publicly so that they will not have that excuse again. The magnet is just a bonus.)  self control

So how do I keep myself in control?  Because honestly there are times I think I will completely lose it.  If I could have a moment of complete transparency as a pastor let me say this:  the most wonderful, jaw-droppingly gracious, loving, kind, peaceful people I’ve ever known are in the Church.  Thank God for the blessing they have been in my life.  But unfortunately the most mean-spirited, hurtful, spiteful people I’ve ever known have also been around the Church.   Not tons, but enough to leave a mark.  I expect this from the world, but not from those who wear Christ’s name.  There is no other place I know of where cross-training in grace is more pronounced.  I’m glad to be in the middle of this grace.  For all her flaws, the world is certainly not practicing this.

In many of King David’s Psalms, we witness something we simply don’t do:  confess what is truly in the heart.  It’s not just “I’m angry, LORD.”  It’s more like “God, I wish my enemies would fall into the hole they dug for me.  I wish terrible things would happen to them.  I want them to hurt the way they hurt me!”  A strange, sadistic smile has crossed my face before while reading many of these.  Sandwiched between verses of praise are honest, raw thoughts like these.  Check out Psalm 69:27-28 for example:

Charge them with crime upon crime; do not let them share in your salvation.  May they be blotted out of the Book of Life.

Right here in the middle of his praise, David admits that in his heart he wishes his enemies would burn in hell!   And he tells God this.  (I bet you never heard anything like THAT prayed out loud in church!)  What on earth!?  What is happening?  It is the formation of self-control.  The admittance of what is present in one’s heart to God and recognizing Him as the Divine Judge releases the one praying.  If I am that honest with God, I am far less likely to seek revenge myself.  I place my trust in God to be the one to control the outcome & bring justice.  But if I am not honest with God then I push these negative emotions down deep into my soul.   I’m tempted to think they are hidden there, but these embers will eventually manifest themselves by turning me into the aforementioned “christian” terrorist.  Anyone who has ever been to counseling knows that what is shoved down, will eventually come out in destructive ways.  What is present in our hearts needs to spill out before a Holy God.

Thank you, Catholic friends.

Thanks to the rest of you who listened…may you absolve me.

Wherever you worship this Sunday, somewhere in the midst of all the praise, be like David.  Work on some self-control.  Direct your raw honesty to the LORD rather than at others.  He can take it.  And He will change your heart if you will give it to Him.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness & self-control.  Galatians 5:22-23

P.S.  Thanks to all of you who hung with me through this series!